i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
