I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
