I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize