I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
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