I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
