apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I just put wine in my tea
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
