Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize