If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
