Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
