guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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