And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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