I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
