This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
