i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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