Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
