Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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