He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
