Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
