Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
