we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
