I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
