Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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