if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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