We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize