I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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