You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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