Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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