Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
