Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
