I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Randomize
