can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
