I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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