Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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