i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
