if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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