bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
