help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
