does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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