If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize