were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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