yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
