I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
