i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
