the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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