Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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