What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
