I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
God, I missed his penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
