Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
