pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
