haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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