He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
