Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
