Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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