he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
