Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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