gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize