obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
