I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
