he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
