listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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