Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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