just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
