You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
