the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
