I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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