so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
