I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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