Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
