I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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